Sunday, June 5, 2011

Like I'm Being Followed

I have a love/hate relationship with my keyboard.  For me it is an instrument of beauty and expression, but also of intimidation and inadequacy. It taunts me from the corner of the loft above my bedroom like a school-yard bully daring me to try to be his friend. "Let's see what you got, kid.  C'mon.  What are you scared?"

Every time I pass by I feel its pull.  There is the hope that if I dare approach its keys, my fingers will discover some fantastic new melody that will result in a beautiful and insightful song.  There is also the fear that I will fight with the keys until I finally give up after they give me nothing. The fear usually wins and I pass by the keyboard without playing anything at all.  I have gone for weeks without touching it - even to practice or play for fun.  Every time I give in and avoid trying, guilt moves right in. 

My keyboard usually sits out of sight and out of mind in the loft, but for this road trip Dan talked me into bringing it along for the ride.  I have felt it following me around in the trunk of our car through each and every state.  The room left in my head by endless hours of driving is filled with the amplified taunts of this every-yard bully.  I am hoping that the rest I am getting by being away from my hectic life in LA will help me muster the courage and, perhaps more importantly, the energy to face the fight.

This is what happens when I win.


  1. ... I think the keyboard should be more afraid of you. <3 I bet it waits at the edge of it's seat with trepidation wondering... "can i keep up with her? no way am i good enough"...

  2. LOL! Nice! Here's hoping ...